Hello Sideshow Bob

Thank God for Robert Swift.

I have had absolutely nothing to blog about this past week. Presidential election? Nah, leave that to the illusionists at CNN. I needed something closer to home and more extraordinary. So, luckily, I found the NBA's version of Sideshow Bob at the Reggie Miller Fieldhouse on Monday night. Enter Oklahoma City's Robert Swift.

I know what you're thinking. When the hell did Oklahoma City get a basketball team? Well boys and girls, that's the former Sonics of Seattle. Your next question probably has something to do with 'Isn't Swift a former lottery pick from the 2004 draft after he skipped college to turn pro before 1-and-done college rule and also didn't he have a verbal committment with Mike Davis at IU?' Geezus, you know your basketball.

Yes, according to Dan Dakich on his radio show yesterday, Mr. Robert Swift verball committed to IU back in the day (but he was actually offered a scholarship by USC, according to wikipedia which is much more reliable than Dakich), but then he turned pro and the 7-foot-1 center was drafted by the Sonics with the 12th pick of the 2004 draft. The Sonics could have taken Al Jefferson, Josh Smith (the one on the 6-0 Atlanta Hawks) or Kevin Martin, but Swift was the Sonics man to lead them in the new century. Instead, Swift helped move the team out of Seattle by playing so poorly. [Interesting tidbit: He missed the entire 2006 season after tearing his ACL in the first minute of the first preseason game that year. He was supposed to be the starting center.]

Anyways, this dude showed up at the Pacer game the other night and he was C-R-A-Z-Y looking for an NBA dude. When Sideshow checked in for the first time, Bo and I immediately and simultaneously said "Who the hell is this guy?" We were already confused by half the roster that the Thunder put on the court and then in walked a tatooted, black-painted nails, big hair, skinny white dude. Well the Pacers were playing so poorly in the first half that he played 12 minutes and scored nine points. He was suddenly the real deal, and possibly my new favorite player.

For being a tall, underachieving, creepy-looking, pasty white dude, Sideshow has some skillz. Unfortunately for him and his Thunder teammates, however, that did not translate to a win over the Pacers. But Swift definitely earned my respect for not caring how ridiculous he looks on the court (Dakich said he had tattoos on his knuckles and in between his fingers as well). I would think though that he at least played a part in the one-and-done college rule instituted by the NBA after he turned pro in 2004. Somebody had to have handed the Commish/Godfather David Stern this side-by-side photo of Swift "out of high school" and Sideshow "fucked-up looking NBA player" and Stern probably wrote the rule and passed it immediately.

I Me Mine
This segment is dedicated to other Sean Stevenson's in the world who somehow land in my news alerts. This guy just dominated his football game. He scored a 25-yard draw play to help his team gain a 21-18 lead in the Class 5A playoffs. Unfortunately his team lost on a last-second touchdown and now Sean is living my life by sitting at home as a loser. Way to bring celebrity and greatness to our name!

Hello Mr. Radio
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Mrs. Thug Mrs.
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