Be My Snuggie Bear

If you've ever flipped on the tube in the early morning to ESPN or to an afternoon or evening broadcast on NBAtv, then I know you've seen a certain, special commercial for the world's greatest blanket/dress/robe/cult garment ever created -- the Snuggie.

The first time I saw the commercial I was dying of hysteria (don't worry, I've made a stellar recovery) especially after I saw the family cheering in their Snuggie's at the sporting event and then the foursome camped around the fire as they charred their marshmallows in the warmth of their fleece (fact check) coverings. I see this commercial at least 832 times per day. It's ridiculous.

But finally the Snuggie got some much needed media attention in the USA Today, which ran a story about the now cult following of the Snuggie. The parallels between the commerical of a "cult Snuggie family" and it's now real-life following are unmissable. Apparently there are now countless Facebook pages devoted to the Snuggie as well as an outpouring of YouTube videos. I've posted a cool link to a "re-done" commercial for the Snuggie. This is how it should run on TV every day. So here is my simple salute to the Snuggie, a robe that I see every day yet will never wear.

Boxers...not briefs

The tragedy that occurred 10 days ago (when my dream of having a question in ESPN the Magazine was shattered indefinitely) apparently caused me to go into a 10-day hiatus from writing. But now that I'm semi-recovered and I've finally stopped twitching when someone mentions Teen Wolf or "Shoot it fatboy", I think it's time for a blog update. Let's just jump right into the boxers...

2 minutes...2-ah
Well, I'm really feeling last night's Pacer win over the Rockets was the start of a long, long winning streak to put us back on top. Sure the Rockets didn't have Ron Artest, Tracy McGrady or Yao Ming for the 2nd half and we still almost lost at home, but I'm ignoring all that for one reason: mustaches.

Yes, the Pacers are now the "Mustache Crew" or "Mustache Gang' depending on who you talk to and the picture above displays an out-of-focus Jeff Foster (= idiot) but it doesn't do the mustache justice (photojournalists these days just don't know what's important, get some damn photos of the mustaches IndyStar!!) They've got drawings and pictures on the locker room walls of mustachioed people and now they're all wearing them. I'm pleasantly happy about this. First of all, big fan of the mustache (shout-out to Thomas D). Second of all, this is exactly the type of team unity we need to get back on track with the 93-94 Indiana Pacers.

This year's team is currently 16-27, while the 93-94 team was a healthy 16-21 by Jan. 24, 1994, and in the midst of a nice five-game losing streak. After the five-game losing streak was done and gone, the Pacers won 10 of 11 games and set up their playoff run. I feel the mustaches will help this year's team make that run. The only person on the team that can't grow a mustache is our future All-Star Danny Granger, who says he only shaves once a week and can't participate due to the lack of facial hair. Danny...you'll see no bashing of you here as you're in good company with this blogger.

I'd love to join in the fun and grow a mustache for support but the Mrs. Thug Mrs. would not be happy with a bunch of white peach fuzz under my nose. However, I am prepared to use my two black Sharpies if we win 10 of the next 11 games. Of course, it will take a mustachioed run into the Eastern Conference Finals for them to replace the greatest mustacioed team of all-time (pictured above).

It's Beetles...with an A
Here's my first addition to my 2009 X-mas list. A healthy Beatle picture book that's going for $495. Look, I'm giving you almost 12 full months to save money for this book so I'm expecting this in my stocking on Dec. 25.

My Sox Are White
The new Franz Ferdinand album drops this upcoming week, but you can take a sneak peek at the songs at their myspace site here. Not that you're going to buy it but here is a link to amazon for more info.

Mrs. Thug Mrs.
Just in case you need more of him...here.

Hello Mr. Radio
Well Eva Mendes ranked No. 1 on AskMen.com's Top 99 Women 2009 edition. I don't know, but I find that Err Dizz's girlfriend, who is ranked No. 3, is a little hotter so...enjoy.

Info for Bo
You probably don't listen to Bill Simmons' podcast, but Wednesday's episode featured yet another nod to Teen Wolf. After mentioning he had just watched it again this weekend, he was about to talk about something new he never noticed in the movie when special "I'm a D-bag who is going interrupt people right when they're about to help Sean become rich and famous" guest J.A. Adande intervened to mention how much he loves Pulp Fiction. First of all, Simmons is right that the Bruce Willis scenes in Pulp Fiction suck hairy balls and the actress that plays his girlfriend is an ugly, annoying bitch that helps prevent me from ever watching the full movie a second time (and really is it that good of a movie? Not a big fan). Second of all, I'm 99 percent certain that Simmons was about to mention me on air until Adande butted in. Chalk up another loss to my Teen Wolf craze.

You Tube...no, you're a tube
In honor of mustaches, we're going with the music video of Strawberry Fields Forever. Eat your heart out MTV.

Teen Wolf disappointment

As you were surfing through the Internets today and using the Google to find nude pictures of Pamela Wells, you probably ran across the front page of ESPN. Well Bill Simmons posted another "Mailbag" where he answers his reader's mail, but this time it was for ESPN the Magazine, so it wasn't very long but it would be well publicized and seen by billions of people.

Well I received a call from Bo at 2:52 p.m. today. Bo sounded like he was having a heart attack so I was somewhat concerned for his well-being. I nearly hung up the phone so I wouldn't be linked to his death, but luckily I stayed on long enough to hear him catch his breath as he screamed to hurry to the computer and check Bill Simmons because the front page of ESPN says he wrote about the infamous and 2nd greatest basketball movie of all time...Teen Wolf.

As you all recall, I sent Bill Simmons (pictured above) a rather lengthy e-mail about a month ago that included my box score for Scott Howard and the Beavers' championship win at the end of the movie. The e-mail asked Bill to help me figure out if Howard reached a triple-double that game and to also offer his expertise on the big finale.

So as I frantically ran to the computer, ideas of stardom of having my name in bright lights and viewing my own Wikipedia page entry rampaged through my head like a Panzer division on its way to Hollywood. My computer, a Dell desktop dated from 2002, tried to keep up with my pace and I finally logged onto to ESPN.com to tell me the truth about my future.

Simmons' mailbag featured a cover picture from BASEketball (another fantastic movie), as well as a description that said "From a prophetic sports movie to a hair-raising look at "Teen Wolf," Bill and his fans are on fire." Wow. He finally answered me. This was my moment. Destiny. This was my destiny. I finally seized the carpe and took advantage of life.

I clicked on the link and Bo and I searched over the phone together to find my question and Bill Simmons' answer. Finally, I found the Teen Wolf excerpt:

"Q: If you could have the best seats in the house for any sporting event of the past century, which would you choose?
-Max A., Cleveland
SG: The only answer can be "USA 4, USSR 3." A tougher question: Which sports-movie event would you choose? I'd pick the game in which Michael J. Fox first turns into Teen Wolf. Name me a more stunning sports-movie moment. Fans in the stands are frozen for, like, 45 seconds. You're not topping the experience of being in a sparsely attended high school hoops game in which one of the players turns into a monster, then dunks on everybody. I'm sorry."

First of all, great answer by Simmons. It's so true. I can't imagine how awesome it would have been to be at that game as they scrambled at midcourt for a loose ball and out walks a wolf-version of Magic Johnson. Second of all, I'm not Max A. from Cleveland. The boner Cavs and Browns fan probably has never even seen Teen Wolf. Ok, that's great. Third of all, my heart was broken. Ten seconds ago I was driving a convertable down Sunset Blvd., floating in my inside/outside pool in my new home and paying off whores in a back alley while TMZ films the incident and launches me into a downward spiral of drugs and bad mug shots.

But now, only tears remain. I still hold out hope though folks. The main reason being that there's no way my question and his answer could fit in that article. It has to be an online answer cuz there's just no room in the magazine. There's also the amount of time and research that it will take Bill to fully answer my question. Since he is frantically finishing his second book, he probably has postponed answering my inquiry to be his Number 1 priority once it's finished. I fully believe this.

So don't worry about me. The stars will align soon when one day, my question will be on the front page of ESPN. But until that time, I will feel like the poor and honorable Mr. Murphy, the shop teacher from Teen Wolf.

Scott Howard: Listen, Stiles. Do you know anything about a rash that's going around?
Stiles: Why, you looking to catch something?
Scott Howard: No, I'm serious.
Stiles: No... but I heard Mr. Murphy, you know, the shop teacher?
Scott Howard: Yeah?
Stiles: Got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner.

Jeff Foster = Idiot

The title pretty much says it all.

Last night was one of the most exciting basketball games I've watched in awhile when the Pacers visited the Lakers with a chance to win in LA for the first time since 1999. The Lakers fans were so wired up that they even started a "Pacers Suck" chant, which I haven't heard since 2004, so that was awesome. I finally felt like an opposing team's fans actually knew who we were. But with 3 seconds remaining, down two points and the ball in our hands at halfcourt, things went down the drain.

Let's set this up for you. So the game was going great. Granger was lighting Kobe up, Dunleavy (in only his 2nd game this season) scored 22 points including a monster 3 to to tie the game. But just before that, the first signs of defeat began to show itself. Danny Granger fouled and on his way to the bench, Pau Gasol said a few choice words to him as he walked off the court and Granger exploded off the bench to go put some Sweet Chin Music on Gasol and kill him. But T.J. Ford, who has played in only 6 of the past 11 games, held Granger back, preventing the second-greatest punch/kick in Pacer history from happening (the No. 1 punch of course happening here).

After this disaster and after Kobe gave the Lakers a two-point lead, three seconds remained on the clock and it was up to coach JOB (stands for "I won't be coaching here in two years") to draw up a play where Dunleavy inbounds the ball to a player who either gives the ball back to Dunleavy or finds Diener for a 3-pointer and the win. The problem with that play is that the player who received the ball was a backup center known as Jeff Foster, or as I like to call him, "the biggest piece of shit of January 9, 2009"

So what transpired was an almost exact replica of a scene from Teen Wolf. During the championship game, the Beavers passed the ball to Chubs at the free-throw line. He held the ball over his head while he twisted frantically and desperately to find an open teammate to pass the ball to despite the fact that none of the opposing team's defenders were within five feet of guarding (remember this for later). The oversized center realized that no one was open. He stood there lifeless. But then Mick yelled "Shoot the ball fatboy!" and Chubs shot the ball, made the shot and music started and the montage began en route to a Beavers dramatic victory that was described in detail in an earlier post on this award-winning blog.

The difference in the Pacer game was that Mick apparently didn't buy a ticket to the game, despite being an actor, and therefore he wasn't there to yell "Shoot the ball you dipshit!" So, Foster held the ball over his head while he twisted frantically and desperately to find an open teammate to pass the ball to despite the fact that none of the opposing team's defenders were within five feet of guarding him (remember this? I told you to remember this, c'mon!) Finally, Foster realizes his situation and he turns to put up a desperation 18-footer.

But the buzzer sounds. He shoots anyways. He airballs it three feet to the right of the rim.

Game over.

The players run off the court completely pissed off that they didn't even get the chance to score and win. Foster runs off with his typical frowned look of disgust at himself that he shows us a minimum 16 times per quarter.

So that's where we stand after two dramatic games at Phoenix (win) and LA (loss). Let's move on...

Hello Mr. Radio
You get a breaking news alert today instead of a pic (I know, who I do I think I am?), but it's now official that Led Zeppelin will NOT be touring next year w/o Robert Plant. Kinda disappointing, but it definitely wouldn't have been the same with a Plant impersonator up there so it's probably for the better.

Info for Bo
Mr. Kennedy says he will not be reading reviews of his new movie. Looks like that's the best decision he's made in awhile.

Mrs. Thug Mrs.
Apparently some controversy is brewing that the new Hills spinoff, the City, is being staged as Whitney's new job is pretty fake and she doesn't ever work there unless the cameras are on.

You Tube...no, you're a tube
So the Err Dizz is testing the video market by putting our infamous "Isiah Thomas On Fire" video on the tube, and Pistons fans are not happy about it. Enjoy.

Your Mandated Indiana Pacer Update

So I know you're wondering how the 08-09 Indiana Pacers are stacking up against the 93-94 Indiana Pacer team. Thank God I'm here to help you out. You'd really be nowhere in life without me. Think about it.

Well the Pacers have kinda been a-struggling a-lately. Oh, it's not that they mean too. In fact, they are very pure at heart. But the bottom line is that they suck pineapples through straws, which is some intense sucking. A wonderful performance last night, a 135-115 loss to the Denver Nuggets, resulted in three things happening: 1) the Pacers fell to 12-22 on the season, which is good for last place in the Central Division and tied for second-to-last in the Eastern Conference with a powerhouse team you and I know as the Charlotte Bobcats; 2) they have finally resorted to trying to injury the other team's star player every game and this time the Pacers finally got it right by breaking Melo' (Carmelo) Anthony's hand; and 3) their extreme suckdom allowed me to put all of my viewing power into last night's Raw, which was a particularly good episode ending with a tagteam match between Orton-Jericho and Cena-Michaels and we learned that Cena will face Michaels next week, while Mr. McMahon will return in two weeks!!!! That's quality entertainment.

Now back to the fake stuff. So are the 08-09 Pacers on pace to still reach the Eastern Conference Finals? You won't believe this, but they are still only five games out of the 8th spot in the East. No, seriously, believe it. Here's evidence. But the people are really wanting know if the team is still on pace with that 93-94 team of the century. I'm gonna be honest with you. They kinda are. The 08-09 team is 12-22, the 93-94 team was 12-17 on Jan. 8, 1994. That's close enough. That Pacer team finished January with a 17-23 record before losing only two games in Feburary.

This is entirely possible for this year's Pacers as the prodigal son, Mike Dunleavy, returns this week from unkown and undiagnosed injuries. All the Pacers need to do is become complete badasses and put on a show similar to Batista's romp-kicking of Michaels during that bloody stretcher match this summer. I'll even add that if Danny Granger "Batista Bombs" Kobe Bryant on Friday (see picture to the right for demonstration of so-called "Batista Bomb"), that I will consider this season a WIN no matter what our record is. A year-long suspension would be totally worth it.

I'll get ya another update here in a couple weeks after Dunleavy has used his exhaustive and choking defensive abilities to help lead the team back into the winner's column once and for all.

On to the links...

It's Beetles...with an A
Leave it up to the Norwegians to finally get things right. You can now download the Beatles song catalog for free through a Norwegian Web site, who has the rights after airing the songs in 2001 with special commentary from journalists about the backgrounds of each song. Don't worry though, only the commentary is in Norwegian.

Info for Bo
Scrubs is on tonight!!!! So get yer shite together and sit down for an hour and watch it. Stop reading and go watch! Seriously!

My Sox are White
Scrubs is on tonight!!!! So get yer shite together and sit down for an hour and watch it. Stop reading and go watch! Seriously people!!!!!!!!

Hello Mr. Radio
Here are three good reasons why to watch professional wrestling...enjoy.

Mrs. Thug Mrs.
No, I refuse to put a picture of a naked John Cena on my blog, so you'll just have to imagine that one...ok...you can stop now....no, you're done...seriously, go watch Scrubs with me!!!

I Me Mine
Since apparently the Sean Stevenson's of the world have taken the Holiday Break to the extreme and done absolutely nothing noteworthy, I've taken to internet googling to find some interesting things. Remember, this segment is dedicated to the other Sean Stevenson's in the world who somehow land in my news alerts/google search. This guy is living up to our nerd side of things. He apparently wrote the roleplaying article "Let the Dice Decide" for White Wolf Magazine 15. The article is so famous that it garnered Sean an entry on the extremely prestigious site Wookieepedia and it is his lone entry. After some journalistic research by yours truly (thank God I spent 4 1/2 years getting that journalism degree), I found out that this article was printed in April 1989, and it's topic is "Random Character Generation" in Star Wars.

I, unfortunately, failed miserably at trying to find that actual article (I sense Lori Demo throwing up bits of children's souls on my transcript as I write this...hmmm). But I'm sure whatever it said, it was a great way to bring celebrity and greatness to our name!

Take your scrubs off

New Scrubs on Tuesday on ABC!!!!!!!

Here's a clip from an upcoming episode...nuff said...enjoy!

Scrubs - Janitor's Truce