Well I received a call from Bo at 2:52 p.m. today. Bo sounded like he was having a heart attack so I was somewhat concerned for his well-being. I nearly hung up the phone so I wouldn't be linked to his death, but luckily I stayed on long enough to hear him catch his breath as he screamed to hurry to the computer and check Bill Simmons because the front page of ESPN says he wrote about the infamous and 2nd greatest basketball movie of all time...Teen Wolf.As you all recall, I sent Bill Simmons (pictured above) a rather lengthy e-mail about a month ago that included my box score for Scott Howard and the Beavers' championship win at the end of the movie. The e-mail asked Bill to help me figure out if Howard reached a triple-double that game and to also offer his expertise on the big finale.
So as I frantically ran to the computer, ideas of stardom of having my name in bright lights and viewing my own Wikipedia page entry rampaged through my head like a Panzer division on its way to Hollywood. My computer, a Dell desktop dated from 2002, tried to keep up with my pace and I finally logged onto to ESPN.com to tell me the truth about my future.
Simmons' mailbag featured a cover picture from BASEketball (another fantastic movie), as well as a description that said "From a prophetic sports movie to a hair-raising look at "Teen Wolf," Bill and his fans are on fire." Wow. He finally answered me. This was my moment. Destiny. This was my destiny. I finally seized the carpe and took advantage of life.
I clicked on the link and Bo and I searched over the phone together to find my question and Bill Simmons' answer. Finally, I found the Teen Wolf excerpt:
"Q: If you could have the best seats in the house for any sporting event of the past century, which would you choose?
-Max A., Cleveland
SG: The only answer can be "USA 4, USSR 3." A tougher question: Which sports-movie event would you choose? I'd pick the game in which Michael J. Fox first turns into Teen Wolf. Name me a more stunning sports-movie moment. Fans in the stands are frozen for, like, 45 seconds. You're not topping the experience of being in a sparsely attended high school hoops game in which one of the players turns into a monster, then dunks on everybody. I'm sorry."
First of all, great answer by Simmons. It's so true. I can't imagine how awesome it would have been to be at that game as they scrambled at midcourt for a loose ball and out walks a wolf-version of Magic Johnson. Second of all, I'm not Max A. from Cleveland. The boner Cavs and Browns fan probably has never even seen Teen Wolf. Ok, that's great. Third of all, my heart was broken. Ten seconds ago I was driving a convertable down Sunset Blvd., floating in my inside/outside pool in my new home and paying off whores in a back alley while TMZ films the incident and launches me into a downward spiral of drugs and bad mug shots.
But now, only tears remain. I still hold out hope though folks. The main reason being that there's no way my question and his answer could fit in that article. It has to be an online answer cuz there's just no room in the magazine. There's also the amount of time and research that it will take Bill to fully answer my question. Since he is frantically finishing his second book, he probably has postponed answering my inquiry to be his Number 1 priority once it's finished. I fully believe this.So don't worry about me. The stars will align soon when one day, my question will be on the front page of ESPN. But until that time, I will feel like the poor and honorable Mr. Murphy, the shop teacher from Teen Wolf.
Scott Howard: Listen, Stiles. Do you know anything about a rash that's going around?
Stiles: Why, you looking to catch something?
Scott Howard: No, I'm serious.
Stiles: No... but I heard Mr. Murphy, you know, the shop teacher?
Scott Howard: Yeah?
Stiles: Got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner.
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1 comment:
Wow. The blog has, dare I say, gotten better?
I said it.
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