The First Edition of the "Hibby Hibby Shakes"

How this blog post hasn't happened yet is an absolute disgrace to my credibility. Roy "The Hibby Hibby Shakes" Hibbert is nearing the end of his rookie season with the Indiana Pacers, and since I happen to be his numero uno card collector in the entire world, you'd think that I would have been keeping track of his season with this publishing giant and media darling of a blog.

Instead, it took 3/4 of the season before my damn cousin gave me the idea. Un-b-leave-a-bull. I'm not going to try to recap what's already happened this season. But I think I can use a couple of stats to mislead you into thinking that he's a Rookie of the Year candidate.

But, first, in case you don't know who the man behind the Hibby Hibby Shakes is, please take a moment to visit his fact-driven Wikipedia page. Here you will see a man with a sporty afro, wearing a nice, clean-cut polo shirt while giving that glancing smile to the camera and his millions of fans across the world. What a nice guy right?

Hibbert is always the first guy off the bench when the team calls a timeout as he races to them to give the NBA high-five (it's like a high-five but the act of contact is completed about five feet higher than an average man's high-five) or give the unnecessary slap on-the-arse, which I noticed has not lost any of its awkwardness or novelty when I sat in the second row for two games this year. I thought the butt slap had finally fallen out of favor with NBA players just like how Anoop has fallen out of favor with the American Idol judges, but just like Anoop, the butt slap is just as common as ever and is back with a vegence. I know that I personally can't get enough of seeing a 7-foot-3 black man forego the chest bump so he can bang the ass of a 6-foot-3 white point guard (maybe "bang the ass" is not the right phrase here). Anyways, Hibbert is the future of the NBA. Let's take a look at the season stats.

Hibbert has started 27 of the 54 games that he's played in this year. In comparison, Reggie Miller only started 10 games his rookie year so lookout Las Vegas as your new stadium for the Pacers may eventually be known as the Roy Hibbert Pyramid (it's Vegas). Hibbert scored a season-high 19 points against New Orleans, and compiled a season-high nine rebounds against the Cavs. Now, some of you might ask "Well, shouldn't a 7-foot-3 guy get double-digit rebounds at least once in a season? Maybe he's not trying." I recommend that you shut the fuck up, seriously. Hibbert's been hearing that crap ever since he was at Georgetown. He's out there busting his buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.

Hibbert is averaging 17.7 points, 8.3 rebounds and 3.0 blocks per game. That's almost Russell and Chamberlain numbers. Now, to be totally honest, those numbers are based on "if" he were playing 36 minutes per game. He actually only plays 13 minutes so I think you have to go with the 36 minutes numbers to make sure that everything is fair. The only problem with the 36-min averages is that he would average 8.2 fouls per game. That means he would foul out twice in one game. Now I've never read the NBA rule book, but I'm pretty sure it specifically states that you can't do that...unless you're a 7-foot-3 black man who could break David Stern's body into quarters.

Now that you know everything there is to know about Roy Hibbert, let's review his most recent performance in a loss to Utah on Tuesday. The big man scored 12 points, blocked five shots, made all four free throws (eat your ass out Shaq), and happened to foul out cuz the refs in this league blow.

Well that's it for close reading of Hibbert's performance the other night. Considering I finally picked up the radio station about one minute before Hibbert fouled out in the fourth quarter, I didn't really get the chance to enjoy it. So hopefully I can keep you all up-to-date on the rest of Hibbert's rookie season.

Hello Mr. Radio
Hillary Fisher...enjoy.

My Sox are White
The "big bad blog dedicated to the Err Dizz" will be posted within the next week. I've got a feeling that I'll have plenty of time on my Spring Break next week to do this and make you a happy camper.

Mrs. Thug Mrs.
Jon and Kate are denying the recent reports that their marriage has fallen apart. I think Kate needs to marry Anoop. Now that's a reality show that I can enjoy.

You Tube...no, you're a tube
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