Back to the East

After traveling the western portion of the United States of America examining all of the Western Conference teams in the NBA, I'm back in the eastern part of the US to take a look at our beloved Eastern Conference. Before we get to that, however, I had to ask EA Sports what it was thinking with the wii version of NBA Live 09? I rented the game this weekend and it's OK if you throw the legends on your team (the Pacers went from a team 73 rating to a 96 rating after I added Bill Russell, Larry Bird, Pete Maravich and Magic Johnson to my starting lineup. We need to make this happen in real life...asap). Anyways, the gameplay is kinda fun since you get to shoot the ball with your wii controller, but the game lacks a dynasty mode, it's hard to pass with any accuaracy and I especially love it when the game tells me I'm on a 54-47 run when the score is 56-47. The biggest complaint however was Josh McRoberts' 86 player rating. To give you some perspective, Maravich is rated a 79 and Russel an 83. McRoberts is apparently the best Pacer and one of the best players in the Eastern Conference. Very interesting indeed.

On to the...
EASTERN CONFERENCE
ATLANTIC
Boston (1) - Rajon Rondo: Unfortunately, his fate is that same as Randy Foye. A point guard drafted my fantasy team means certain death. May peace be with him.

Toronto (5) - Jermaine O'Neal: I'm just happy the new Pacer promotion allows to me to turn in all my old JO jerseys for 30 percent off of new jerseys. For that, I thank Jermaine. For being an awful leader and sucky player the last two years, I predict his knee injury comes back in mid-December and he's in-and-out for the next four months.

Philadelphia (7) - Elton Brand: Everybody thinks Brand is due for a breakout year with Philly, but I'm not buying. After playing in front of fan apathy for the past 10 years, Brand discovers Philly fans to be quite different. He becomes so scared to play in front of a hostile crowd that his cowering body is left in the locker room to rot for the entire season.

New Jersey - Yi: He's big and Chinese, which to me means he'll be injured a lot. Knee injury knocks him out five months.

New York - Donnie Walsh: The man looks more and more decrepid with each day as he comes closer and closer to resembling the Undertaker's Paul Bearer as seen here. I don't want to predict our former GM's death, so we'll just say he takes a medical leave while his team continues to suck the breath out of a dead mule.

CENTRAL
Cleveland (2) - LeBron James: For some reason, this just seems like Cleveland's breakout year to me. I know, I know, they were in the Finals two years ago. But that team didn't belong there. LeBron seems hungrier, stronger and better. James will miss one game due to greatness.

Detroit (3) - Entire team: When will this team just go away? I'm tired of watching them. I hate them. All of them are injured and miss significant time.

Chicago (8) - Tyrus Thomas: After signing way too many cards for Eric to collect, Thomas gets a crippling hand cramp that requires amputation. Unfortunately, the gangreen covers his entire body and he must be amputated into quarters. He misses the rest of the season.

Indiana - I'm not predicting an injury here. It looks like we're a .500 team, but if it comes down to us and Chi-town, it seems like Chi-town always gets the best of us. Plus, I can't remember the last healthy season we had (oh wait, I can...2003-04 when we won 61 games), so we can probably count on a few injuries especially since 1/2 the team has already missed the preseason. I'm hoping for better things, so let's hope I'm pleasantly surprised.

Milwaukee - Andrew Bogut: I've had three mates from Australia trying to get me to sell them a cheap ass Bogut game-used card. His home country must really love him over there. Therefore, I'm predicting a kangeroo stomps on him to death. He misses the rest of the season.

SOUTHEAST
Orlando (4) - Mickey Mouse: The Magic Kingdom falls on the beloved Disney character, ending a century-long career.

Washington (6) - Gilbert Arenas: I don't know how we writes such long blog entries. I'm dying just trying to hammer this thing out in a 1/2 hour. I'm bored already, I can't imagine how bored the reader is right now. Somehow though, Gilbert is one of the best bloggers out there. Obviously, hand cramp derails his career.

Miami - D Wade: This time he doesn't get back up in the commercial. Out of rest of season.

Atlanta - Josh Childress: The very important sixth man will...wait, what? He's playing in Europe now? He helped the Hawks push Boston to a Game 7 and they goose-stepped around and let him sign overseas? Wow...ballsy. Chalk that up as a season-ending injury to ownership.

Charlotte - Adam Morrison: Oh how life has been unsettling to watch the Stache fall from beloved Gonzaga porn star to oft-injured Bobcat. This time, the crying hurts even more as he drowns in his own puddle of tears at night. He misses the rest of the season.

There you have it. That's how the NBA season will go down. Book it.

My Sox are White
Well NBA.com did a season simulation with NBA Live and came up with this. You should be happy about your Bulls finishing fourth in the East. My Pacers, on the other hand, are destined for a top-3 pick. Guess they didn't insert Bird and Russell on the simulation team.

Mrs. Thug Mrs.
So what's Kristin up to these days? Well, glad you asked. She's got a guest spot on CSI coming up. Remember when her and Lauren were pretty much equals on Laguna? Looks like LC has won the war.

Hello Mr. Radio
You saw this coming. Enjoy.

Info for Bo
This dude does a month-by-month prediction of the Pacers this season. He says we go 9-8 in January. That would be a miracle even by Jesus' standards.

You tube...no, you're a tube
Since I posted the original SNL skit about Mark Wahlberg, I better post Wahlberg's appearance this weekend in response to it. Great stuff.